Everything Was Gray
by Hedderz1
Summary: Sam is dead and Bobby doesn't know what to do. He no longer recognizes Dean and is at a loss of what he can do to help him. Set in between All Hell Breaks Loose part 1 & 2. Will be two chapters.
1. Part One

**A/N: This is written from Bobby's perspective, right when Sam dies in All Hell Breaks Loose part 1. Basically just angst, I don't know why I did this to myself. Please review! The last and second part will be posted in a few days.**

Bobby didn't fully realize it until it was too late. At first, he hadn't wanted children which turned out to be a decision he would regret for the rest of his life. The look on Karen's face still haunted him to this day, that look of betrayal and hurt. With Karen gone, a piece of him had died with her. Sam and Dean had always meant a lot to Bobby, they were some of the few people he actually got really close to. He'd unconsciously allowed himself to feel love again, to relearn what family meant. He didn't fully understand that what had come to mean so much to him could be taken away. Bobby hadn't realized he practically saw them as his own children, his sons. Until that night in Cold Oak. Hearing Dean's desperate cry as he ran back, he knew what he'd just lost.

 _Earlier_

"I know where Sam is." That was the hope they needed to find him and they would. Bobby shuddered at the thought of Sam in that place; they had to get him out of there. The place had been extremely haunted, causing all the inhabitants to leave. A goldmine for a hunter. Bobby had heard of it during his first years introduced to the hunting life. As they sped down the highway, passing the border to South Dakota, Bobby cast a look at Dean. He was staring down the road, hardly paying attention, just driving. _He must be worried out of his mind._ They rode in silence the next few miles, Bobby knew the timing to make any kind of conversation right now wasn't the best.

"It's getting dark." Dean stated flatly. Bobby stirred lightly, not expecting him to speak.

"Yeah, only about five more miles now." Dean's hands tightened on the steering wheel. The car sped up, going way past the limit.

"He'll be alright, Dean. We'll find him and you two can get back to bickering with each other." The corner of Dean's mouth twitched slightly. Bobby tried to relax into his seat, Sam would be fine. He had to be.

"Are you sure it's here, Bobby?" Dean asked as they pulled up behind the abandoned houses. It was dark and very hard to make out where they were. Cold Oak was surrounded by woods and it had been difficult to find their way here.

"Yeah, see the bell over there?" Bobby asked, letting the light of his flashlight fall on the bell in front of them. "That's the bell you saw, isn't it? In the vision." Dean's eyes narrowed in the dark. He turned to Bobby with new hope in his eyes, giving a short nod.

They made their way down the road, entering the ghost town. Bobby pushed his cap down further; the drizzle was a bit heavier now. Dean walked ahead with quick steps. The air was eerily quiet; the only sounds were coming from their boots walking on the muddy ground. Had the vision been correct? Was Sam really here?

"I don't like this Bobby, where is he?" Dean said, his voice tinged with restless worry. Bobby couldn't escape the feeling that something was wrong, off. Maybe it was just the ghosts in this place giving him the chills.

"He could be hiding in one of the houses- "Dean didn't wait for him to finish his answer. Thunder suddenly rattled from above.

"Sam!" He called loudly. Bobby muttered a curse under his breath, what if they had just attracted the damn thing that took Sam to start with? They turned a corner and sighed in relief seeing Sam's tall figure. He looked up at the sound of Dean's voice, walking towards them. Something had happened to him, he was clutching his right arm.

"Sam!" Bobby saw something move in the dark but he couldn't make out what it was.

"Dean!" Sam called back in relief. It happened so quickly but still Bobby could see the man running up behind Sam clearly, holding what looked to be knife in his hand.

"Sam, look out!" Dean yelled in panic, both of them freezing for a second. It was too late. The man plunged the knife into Sam's back; the sickening sound was audible even to where they were standing. A grunt left Sam at the force, his back arching. Before Bobby knew it, they were running.

"NO!" Dean sprinted towards Sam, his scream echoing between the empty, abandoned houses. Bobby knew he had to focus on whoever this person was, he was going to pay. The man was heading for the woods and he was fast. Bobby followed him but not before he saw Dean hitting the ground in front of his brother, catching him in his arms before he could fall. Bobby adjusted his hold on the rifle, speeding up as fast as he could go. The rain clouded his vision, suddenly much heavier. Bobby swore to himself, his physique wasn't the best at this age. He wasn't exactly taking laps in his scrap yard. The man was in the woods now; Bobby could see his figure fading. _Dammit._ He knew he was too slow, or, the man was too fast. There was no way that he would be able to catch up. Bobby stopped, chest heaving at the effort. Trying somewhat to catch his breath, he froze. He had to get back, back to the brothers.

"SAM!" Dean's scream snapped him back. He knew what it meant and he swallowed, taking a breath. Ignoring his protesting lungs, he ran back as fast as he could.

* * *

" _Sam! Bobby, come here!" He heard an eight-year old Dean call from the living room. Bobby walked in with a sigh. The boys were getting on his last nerve today._

" _What?" He demanded, not bothering to feign a shred of patience. Dean got up from the couch to stand before him, lips pouting dramatically. He pointed to his little brother on the carpet._

" _Sam took my old toys and now he's broken one of them! I told him to be careful, Bobby!" Sam studied the scene in front of him with big, guilty eyes. Bobby sneered, dragging a hand down his chin._

" _So? You're not even playing with them anymore! If it troubles you so much I can go out right now and buy a new Barbie set if it pleases the princess." Dean glowered up at him, feeling stupid._

" _But- "Bobby gestured for him to stay quiet. He met Sam's gaze._

" _Sam, be careful with the toys okay?" Sam nodded solemnly, eyes flickering nervously to Dean._

" _I said sorry." He mumbled quietly. Bobby saw Dean soften at that. Sam fidgeted with his back pocket and smiled triumphantly when he found what he was looking for. He tumbled over to his brother, hand outstretched. Dean, still significantly taller than Sam, looked down at him with an amused expression._

" _Candy." Sam stated, holding his hand out to Dean. Dean frowned down at the crushed candy._

" _Sammy, you've been sitting on it." He said, crossing his arms. Sam sighed in defeat. Bobby gave Dean an insistent nod. Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed his brother's hand._

" _Come here Sammy, I'll show you the rest of the toys." Bobby smiled to himself._

" _Idjits." He muttered under his breath._

* * *

A part of Bobby wanted to turn back at the sight in front of him. _No, no, no, not Sam…_ He halted in his tracks, not knowing what to do. Dean was clutching Sam in his arms on the ground, the rain soaking them both. He was talking frenetically to his dead brother, holding on to any thread of hope. Bobby felt his heart clench and the lump in his throat grew. He looked down at the muddy ground, rain splattering down, forming puddles. Staring at his hands, the rifle, he swore.

"I should've…God…" He was shaking. Trying to calm down, he ran a hand down his face. This could not be happening. He should at least have tried taking a shot to take down the son of a bitch who did this. Bobby forced himself to look down in front of him, at the two of them.

"Sammy, Sammy, come on. You have to wake up alright? Please." Dean called desperately, voice breaking. He held his brother's head up, to looking for any reaction. A reaction that wouldn't come. The dead won't answer you. "No, no, no. God, please."

"Dean- "He didn't even know what to say. What could he say? Dean had just lost his brother; the only family he had left. What broke Bobby's heart was that he hadn't admitted it to himself yet. Dean either ignored or simply didn't hear him, his full attention on Sam.

"God dammit Sammy, don't do this to me! I'm supposed to look after you, remember? I- I have to, okay? I promised dad that I-." Bobby closed his eyes at the mention of John. He'd barely been gone a year and now Dean would lose Sam too? How was any of this fair? Bobby knew Dean couldn't survive this. Even if he did all that'd be left would be a broken man.

"Sammy, please! I'm going to patch you up, you'll be fine, I promise." Dean's voice lightened faintly as if trying to convince himself that this wasn't happening. "But you- you've got to open your eyes, okay brother?" Dean pushed wet strands of hair out of Sam's face, his head lulling from side to side. He saw blood on Dean's hands, Sam's blood. Bobby felt a tear roll down his cheek, maybe it was rain. It didn't matter. He knew that Dean knew now, deep down. But he couldn't admit it; it would make it all too real.

"Come on, you can't be- can't be dead. I made you a promise, I have to keep it. Wake up. Sammy." He whispered the last part, barely audible. "Don't leave me." Bobby sniveled and cleared his throat, he couldn't take this. They had to get out of here, who knows what could come after them. Tentatively, he took a step forward, setting his hand on Sam's shoulder and the other one on Dean's.

"Dean, I can't even tell you how sorry I am. I don't- "He had to pause for a second, not trusting his own voice. "We have to get out of here, okay? I'll help you carry- "

"Don't. Touch. Him." Dean spat through clenched teeth, turning his head to glare through empty, dark eyes. Tears glistened in his eyes. Bobby noticed his hand reaching for his gun as a sign of warning. He held his hands up, backing up a bit, giving Dean the time and space he needed. Minutes went by with Bobby idly standing by, watching Dean's world crumble. Finally, he turned around, chock written across his face. Bobby took a step forward but hesitantly slowed down to see how he'd react. Dean blinked, disbelief clear in his staring eyes. He met Bobby's worried gaze, swallowing thickly before speaking.

"Bobby… "The helplessness in his voice and expression made Bobby crouch down next to him. He felt bad at his unconscious attempts to avoid looking at Sam, he might as well have been sleeping but the color of his skin wasn't lying. Bobby cursed at himself, it was still Sam after all. Dean looked at Bobby pleadingly, like a child begging you to say that it's going to be okay. Bobby grasped Dean's shoulders tightly, as if to keep him together.

"Bobby, he's…" Bobby nodded and blinked furiously. Dean looked down at Sam's limp body in his arms and met Bobby's eyes again, a single tear falling down his cheek.

"He's gone." Dean's voice broke. The raindrops were now enough to make them shiver. Dean tilted his head to look up at the sky, raindrops blending in with tears.

* * *

 _Bobby heard the door slam and his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Dean was at it again. He walked down the stairs while muttering to himself, finding Sam in the kitchen. He was frowning as he slowly ate some cereal, lost in thought._

" _Your brother made a run for it again, I guess?" Bobby asked, sitting down opposite him. Sam nodded, giving a tired shrug. Bobby could tell there was something eating at him._

" _If you think you any harder your head will explode, Sam. What is it?" Bobby asked, surprisingly gentle considering it came from him. Sam ignored him for a few seconds, the cereal in his bowl suddenly sparked some great interest._

" _Sam." Bobby prodded. Sam sighed and put his spoon down. He brushed some too long hair out of his face and finally met Bobby's eyes._

" _It's Dean." Bobby nodded, that much he figured. He waited for Sam to continue, pouring himself some scotch._

" _He's always out with some girl these days. That's why he just sneaked out. Guess now with dad gone for a week…" Sam trailed off. Bobby cursed under his breath._

" _That boy doesn't know the first thing about sneaking around." He muttered. The corner of Sam's mouth twitched. Bobby raised his glass slightly before taking a sip. "Well, here's to hoping you won't become an uncle any time soon." Sam nearly choked on the cereal, giving Bobby a traumatized scowl._

" _Bobby, ew. Stop." He said with a shudder. Bobby chuckled._

" _Yeah, you're way too young to be an uncle." Sam glared at him, straightening up._

" _I'm twelve, Bobby." He remarked confidently._

" _Exactly." Sam sighed again, looking down at his bowl._

" _Anyway, it's just… he doesn't want to spend time with me like he used to. He probably just thinks I'm the annoying kid brother." Bobby disguised his laugh with a cough. The kid really was blind._

" _Sam, don't worry. For the moment your brother's just a stupid teenager okay? But trust me, the way that boy looks after you, there's no reason for you to feel forgotten or left behind, do you understand? He'd never let anything happen to you."_


	2. Part Two

Moving Sam proved to be harder than Bobby had thought. Not just the physical part but seeing him so…so still only made the lump in his throat grow tighter. They got to the impala, both of them out of breath. Bobby opened the door to the back seat and then paused, what was happening was too surreal. He removed his cap, running a hand through his short hair before putting it on again. Dean held on to Sam, somehow able to hold him by his shoulders.

"Do you want to- "

"I'm staying with him, Bobby." His monotone voice made Bobby look down at the ground. He nodded hastily.

"Sure, son. I'll drive" Bobby grabbed the keys and got in the driver's seat, drawing a shaky breath before casting a look in the rearview mirror. Dean had managed to place Sam in the backseat and had bundled up his jacket to place Sam's head on it in his lap. The drive was a daze to Bobby, like one of those nightmares you're stuck in and you struggle to wake up. He wished he could. Dean's absolute silence made Bobby uneasy, he was just waiting for him to do something, anything. He studied Dean through the rearview mirror, he was looking down at Sam with an almost apathetic expression. After a while, Bobby pulled over by one of the hunters' cabins that were spread out, they came to good use every now and then. This one had seen better days, he was sure Rufus had stayed here at some time but that had to be at least ten years ago. From Dean's lack of reaction Bobby realized he probably didn't know they had stopped.

"Dean." There was no change in his expression so Bobby took a deep breath before opening the door and climbing out of the driver's seat. He noticed that his hands were a bit red, blood. Pushing the thought away quickly he opened Dean's door. The rain had stopped, he noticed. So had Dean's tears, his face completely blank of any emotion.

"I'll help you okay? We'll uh- we'll carry him inside." Dean slowly adjusted Sam's head so he could step out of the car, not saying a word. His eyes briefly met Bobby's, making him almost shy back from their lifeless, dark expression. His usually green eyes were the darkest Bobby had ever seen them. He set a hand on Dean's shoulder, not sure of what comfort he could possibly give him.

"Alright, I can carry him by his right shoulder and you can- "Bobby was stopped short when Dean abruptly turned away from them, taking an unsteady step away from the car before throwing up on the ground. His shoulders heaved at the effort and Bobby helped him to a full standing position before releasing his hold. Dean was taking short, shaky breaths, wobbling slightly.

"Sit down, you need to sit down." Bobby said as calmly as he could at the moment, hiding his alarm at seeing Dean like this. Dean didn't protest, sliding down to the ground, back resting against the door of the impala. He rested his head in his hands, drawing hiccupping breaths. Bobby couldn't hide his alarm now; the boy was starting to panic. He kneeled down in front of him, desperately trying to think of anything to say that could help. He knew there really wasn't.

"Dean, let's get inside okay? You'll be freezing out here." Dean looked up warily, eyes filled with unexpected rage. Bobby diverted his gaze.

"So? What does it matter?" He said, voice cracking. Dean was now staring down at his hands, unclenching and clenching them as if there was some scratch he couldn't itch. "Sam's gone and it's our fault." He muttered. Bobby put a hand on his shoulder but removed it shortly after seeing Dean's scowl.

"Listen to me. This is not our fault. This is the demon's fault, you know that, Dean." Dean chuckled bitterly, a shiver running through him.

"Let's not kid ourselves. We were too late Bobby. If we had showed up earlier, if I just had that vision a little earlier and if _you_ had actually caught the guy who did this instead of letting him get away. None of this would have happened." Bobby realized that no matter what he said he would just piss Dean off even more. "I failed him." He mumbled in surprised disbelief. Bobby stood up straight, stretching his back slightly before looking down at Dean.

"I'm going to get him inside okay? If you want to stay here, I understand." He was met with silence so he took a breath and focused on the task ahead. Five minutes later and a lot sweatier he placed Sam on a mattress that had been left behind. He looked down at his tall figure with a shaky breath. To Bobby it was only yesterday since John left the boys with him when he went on some hunt. Sam had been a little cautious, those big hazel eyes looking up at him. Seeing his big brother at ease had made him relax. Bobby smiled sadly to himself, that boy had practically been following his older brother around everywhere, studying him. Now he laid on the mattress before him, pale and lifeless. Bobby knew he had to focus on Dean and on finding the demon but that wasn't going to be easy since Dean had never let anyone take care of him.

* * *

Bobby hadn't underestimated that thought. At any attempt to get Dean to get some rest or eat something he was just met with an unresponsive, dead look. It had almost been a day now. Bobby would leave to get supplies and find Dean an hour later just as he'd left him, standing by the mattress, staring down at his dead brother. What was killing was that he had no idea what was going on in his head. It scared him. Seeing Dean glance at one of the guns on the table made Bobby very reluctant to leave the cabin again. Sometimes he thought he could hear Dean talking but he wasn't sure if it was to himself or to Sam. During the second night he woke up startled. Dean was screaming in his sleep, tears running down his cheeks. Bobby tried to shake him awake and Dean's eyes looked into his. He had never seen anyone look so old and young at the same time.

"Sammy?" Dean panted, barely awake. Bobby swallowed, easing Dean down again.

"It's okay, Dean. Go back to sleep." Dean shifted around anxiously and Bobby knew he wouldn't get much sleep at all.

"I'm sorry, Sammy." Dean mumbled." Bobby sat at his side for a minute, chest too heavy at the moment to move. What was troubling him was that Dean wasn't grieving, not really. Bobby could see that behind his dark, empty eyes, he was thinking, trying to find some escape. The following morning the gray circles under Dean's eyes matched the gray walls of the cabin. Everything was gray now, the walls, the sky, Sam's skin, the air around them. Bobby felt like he could drown in it. Dean's drinking was a growing concern, he wasn't eating, just pouring down whisky or beer like his life depended on it. Which in a sense, Dean probably felt that it did. The pressing issue now was convincing Dean to burn Sam's body. It would be an important step in moving on and Bobby couldn't ignore the smell for much longer. That afternoon Bobby brought a bucket of fried chicken, hoping that Dean would eat something. He shut the door behind him, seeing Dean once again standing by Sam's body.

"Dean? Brought you this back." He said, putting the bucket down on the table.

"No thanks, I'm fine." Dean replied, not moving an inch. Bobby suppressed a sigh.

"You should eat something." He tried again.

"I said I'm fine." The edge to his tone made Bobby drop it. Dean came around to the table, taking a swig of beer. Bobby looked down, realizing that in the time he'd been gone Dean had downed a few more bottles.

"Dean…I hate to bring this up, I really do. But don't you think maybe it's time…we bury Sam?" Dean looked up at him with hard eyes.

"No." He said definitely, sitting down.

"We could…" Bobby sighed. "Maybe- "

"What? Torch his corpse? Not yet." Bobby knew Dean wouldn't budge. He tried a different approach.

"I want you to come with me." Dean glared up at him again.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said evenly.

"Dean, please- "

"Would you cut me some slack?" Dean spat. Bobby decided to ignore him.

"I just don't think you should be alone, that's all. I've got to admit; I could use your help." Dean snorted.

"Something big is going down- end of the world big." He carried on, noticing Dean's posture growing more rigid by the second.

"Well, then let it end!" Dean yelled, glowering up at him. Bobby was caught off guard, stomach sinking at the realization that Dean meant it.

"You don't mean that." He said, willing Dean to believe it was true. And himself. Dean stood up, nostrils flaring.

"You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough?" Bobby looked down, unable to hold Dean's gaze. "You don't think I've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. And if you know what's good for you, you'd turn around, and get the hell out of here." Bobby shook his head, refusing to believe Dean was so far gone.

"Go!" Dean yelled, pushing him away. Bobby just stared back at him, not recognizing the man standing in front of him at all. There was a flicker of remorse in Dean's eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please just go." Bobby knew there was no other choice. He hated it, but Dean had to come out of this alone. He wouldn't and couldn't be helped. Bobby turned around with a sigh.

"You know where I'll be." He said and walked out, not looking back.

* * *

The ride to his house was a blur, all he could see and think about was Dean's lifeless eyes, and Sam's pale figure on the mattress. The silence was almost deafening in the rooms of his house. He cast a look at the couch, seeing the boys as children playing for a second before looking away. Bobby had never been their father but he'd always been there, watching them grow up into men, into hunters. Now, everywhere he looked in this house he saw them, the memories of all the times they'd stayed here when John hadn't wanted them to come along. Not following his own advice to Dean to eat something, he drank instead. The pain didn't fade completely, it just ebbed away into to a dull slumber. Morning came and Bobby finally gathered his strength to start the research. The cattle deaths and demonic omens were a few of the signs telling him something big was about to go down. A knock on the door made him jump in his seat. Muttering, he made his way to the door and opened it. Instantly he felt like shutting it again and pushing his head into to a bucket full of ice. He blinked, mouth falling open at the sight before him. Sam was standing there next to his brother, alive and seemingly fine. Dean was judging his reaction; he could feel it. He also knew that he had to play along with this, Dean's eyes were practically screaming at him to not say anything.

"Hey Bobby." Dean broke the silence, eyes falling to the ground.

"Hey Bobby." Sam joined in, smile on his lips. Bobby snapped out of it.

"Sam… it's good to…see you up and around." He said, his suspicion towards Dean growing by the second. In all honesty, he was scared for him. God only knew what he'd gotten himself into to have Sam standing here alive next to him.

"Yeah… thanks for patching me up." Sam patted him on the back and walked past him into the house. So that was the explanation Dean had given him.

"Don't mention it." Dean followed Sam and Bobby gave him a hard look.

"Well, Sam's better. And we're back in it now, so… what do you know?" Dean asked stiffly. Sam looked at Dean curiously, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Bobby couldn't believe this was happening. He stared into Dean's eyes, the relief of Sam's return was there but they were still haunted by loss. All he wanted to do was yell at him, scream, anything. Whatever Dean had done, it was bad, really bad. He had no perception of his own self-worth and it made Bobby's heart sink. Dean just didn't care; he didn't see it at all. The price of bringing Sam back didn't matter. Seeing the look in Dean's eyes Bobby knew there had been no other choice for him, it was worth it to Dean, Sam meant everything. It would always be worth it. Bobby couldn't deny that it terrified him. More than anything.


End file.
